fathinaazzahra

In my 20s era, sebagai seseorang perempuan yang tumbuh dan hidup di Indonesia, apalagi selalu dibarengi dengan stigma-stigma itu, pikiran-pikiran jelek yang terus menghantui. Berita selingkuh dimana-mana, kekerasan dalam rumah tangga (kdrt), tidak diberikannya hak sebagai istri dan lain sebagainya. Tentunya mendengar kata "menikah" saja membuat banyak sekali pertanyaan-pertanyaan 'what if?' yang muncul di kepala. What if romance dies between us? What if i'm not enough for my husband no matter how much love i pour into us? What if i'm not enough for my husband no matter what im trying? What if one day we wake up as a stranger? What if he no longer sees me as the person he once loved? What if I married the wrong person? Menurutku ketakutan-ketakutan diatas wajar aja dialami sebagai seorang perempuan yang nantinya juga akan menikah dan berumah tangga. Mendengar banyak berita yang seliweran betapa "meruginya" wanita setelah menikah dan berumah tangga. Ap...

Where will i go to run when everything feels so heavy? Lately i've been distanced myself from everyone, i stopped talking too much, started to ghost/ignore them, i don't want anyone to distract my solitude. i met a lot of people for searched many heart in hopes to find a home, but i only felt more homeless leaving each ne i have entered. did u know the saddest part of being "this phase" "relapse" is... i start questioning my worth gain, do i deserve this? do i don't deserve love? but why? i remember when i making promises to myself, i said "no matter how much world mistreats me, i'll always choose to be kind, heartwarming and loving". but then i realized, sometimes im not that strong girl like everyone's did. where i do run when everything feels so heavy? where's i do run when im at my lowest point? who's gonna proud of me?  maybe in this life, in this phase, in this journey isn't about love. and here, i speak to myself, ...